Relationships - Others

There are so many others. Department of Social Services, Therapists, Police, Health Care Professionals, Lawyers, Judges and any other professional organization that gets its hands into the mix.

Keep all relationships with these people at arms length. Yes and no answers if at all possible and never offer up any information. All of these people are “Wrong Finders.”

What I mean is that there whole existence is to find the wrong in others. There paradigm is to look at the situation and find the things that are wrong. Their job depends on them finding out bad stuff. So with that in mind, watch what you say and how you say it. I will get into this in more detail later, but for now, yes and no, and never lie, because they expect it.

Relationships - Your Kids

Practice what I call, "Adult Information Blackout.” This is a concept that basically keeps all adult interactions that are not for little ears, away from the kids. Today I see several children that are friends of my kids knowing way too much. This is told to them under the guise of they have a “right to know.” 

No they don’t. 

 They are kids and they have no rights to information. They have a right to live without abuse of any kind, they have a right to play and do kid things but they do not have a right to know. Select information that is pertinent to your kid. If you know that there is something that your child needs to prepare for, give them the information at the right time when they are best able to handle it. Never, Never, Never just let it fly in front of the kids. 

 They already believe that they are at fault for mom and dad breaking up or not being together. Do not burden them with information they do not need. The focus should be on you being the adult and taking the brunt of all issues on and then setting a daddy’s taking care of it attitude and loving the kids with all your heart. By doing this, the children will get a feeling that they are safe under your wing and that security will bring other behaviors in line. 

 Most kids act out because of insecurity and a wanting you near and paying attention. So be near and pay attention and your kids will need less reprimanding.

Relationships - Your Parents

This is a tricky and slippery slope. After all these are your parents. They still have a latent authority over you and if you are feeling less than adequate and somewhat depressed from your ordeals, you might want to not be a parent and an adult because it is easier and safer to allow your parents to do this.

Most of the time we break off a relationship and we go running back to mom’s to live. She is quick to start doing the laundry and says over and over how much she didn’t like “her” and the story goes. Maybe yours is not like that, but there is always “it’s the other one who is at fault” in most families.

The hurdle here is keeping your parents your parents and not allowing them to overstep their responsibilities and authority. It is easy for us fathers to allow this to happen. We are after all bruised and hurt and telling our children what is right and wrong will put us in the bad light and then they will run to mom, just like you did.

Let that last statement sink in. If you are living at home less than 3 years after your divorce, get out. You are not doing anyone any service. Go lick your wounds in your own place. If you were divorced and you have been home for 3 or more years, get a good therapist.

Get with the program. We are the only species that allows our young to return. That’s just wrong. I mean, if there is a strict economic reason with a defined timeframe such as saving to buy a home, as long as the timeframe is adhered to, go for it. But if we are meandering through our existence and living with mom and dad, kick yourself out of the house and grow up.

The primary issue is they are your parents. They raised you. Now when your kids and relationships come into their domain, sometimes they cannot see the difference and fall into the same patterns as they had with you. You need to get up and set the tone.

One irritation I have is the lack of setting boundaries with adults. What we will and won’t be accepted from others in our life needs to be right out there for all to see and understand. If you do not want you dad telling your kids what to do, then tell him to come to you and you take care of it. They are your kids and your legacy, so act responsibly and do what you need to do.

Set the ground rules and hold to them. Do not accept anything but that guideline forever. Stay on course and the masses will come into line with you.

No more excuses and no more avoidance. Wipe these out and get to work.