Relationships - Your Parents

This is a tricky and slippery slope. After all these are your parents. They still have a latent authority over you and if you are feeling less than adequate and somewhat depressed from your ordeals, you might want to not be a parent and an adult because it is easier and safer to allow your parents to do this.

Most of the time we break off a relationship and we go running back to mom’s to live. She is quick to start doing the laundry and says over and over how much she didn’t like “her” and the story goes. Maybe yours is not like that, but there is always “it’s the other one who is at fault” in most families.

The hurdle here is keeping your parents your parents and not allowing them to overstep their responsibilities and authority. It is easy for us fathers to allow this to happen. We are after all bruised and hurt and telling our children what is right and wrong will put us in the bad light and then they will run to mom, just like you did.

Let that last statement sink in. If you are living at home less than 3 years after your divorce, get out. You are not doing anyone any service. Go lick your wounds in your own place. If you were divorced and you have been home for 3 or more years, get a good therapist.

Get with the program. We are the only species that allows our young to return. That’s just wrong. I mean, if there is a strict economic reason with a defined timeframe such as saving to buy a home, as long as the timeframe is adhered to, go for it. But if we are meandering through our existence and living with mom and dad, kick yourself out of the house and grow up.

The primary issue is they are your parents. They raised you. Now when your kids and relationships come into their domain, sometimes they cannot see the difference and fall into the same patterns as they had with you. You need to get up and set the tone.

One irritation I have is the lack of setting boundaries with adults. What we will and won’t be accepted from others in our life needs to be right out there for all to see and understand. If you do not want you dad telling your kids what to do, then tell him to come to you and you take care of it. They are your kids and your legacy, so act responsibly and do what you need to do.

Set the ground rules and hold to them. Do not accept anything but that guideline forever. Stay on course and the masses will come into line with you.

No more excuses and no more avoidance. Wipe these out and get to work.