There is no one solution

One of the hardest parts of growing up is realizing that there may have been another way to approach the problems you have faced.  And in that revelation, the piles of regret and remorse seem to rise up from the ashes like a Phoenix to work to break the man I am. 

 

The ability to make a decision is a lost art.  Most will look to others and never truly own what they decide to do.  The effort for the decision cast upon someone else also removed the decision maker from the outcome and the blame can be sent to another who gave advice.

 

All solutions are made with the most recent data at that given time which means that the limit of the decision possibilities is directly proportionate to the field of view of possible answers.  This would include past experiences, situations with others, book knowledge and the like.  Now with all of this data and the situation someone is facing, where does the answer come from?

 

In most cases it is a best guess derived from experiences, which may or may not yield the results desired.  Most of my poor choices came out of unknown blind spots, which in some cases were camouflaged or in places I could not recognize.

 

So lets take a look at relationships and how this plays a part.  The first thing I wish I understood was having a set of rules or a list of red flag behavior that I could refer to so that in the fog that happens during an encounter, I could have a reference point or a compass so to speak that would allow me a clearer path to what is happening.

 

By having a plan and a few possible solutions prepared, one can stay focused on what matters and  be able to adjust and readjust, know when to jump and pull the cord or just walk away. 

 

In my experience, I had a few different scenarios which I did not recognize until I was demeaned, demoralized and defeated.  In typical young testosteronal male fashion, small cut blonde next door brought me to bang the whore and later my oldest daughter and son came.   Young, dumb and full of cum, spreading my seed like my man Johnny. 

 

When the she was pregnant with my first she decided that a Christian sanctuary in the mountains of New Hampshire would be the best.  Like a simp, I picked up her things and drove her to the location.  Of course she would not follow the rules and would not drop all the free money that Uncle Sam was giving her, so she decided that she needed to move back to her mom and dad's place. 

 

So again I moved all her stuff, placed her belongings in storage, and let her do what she needed to.  She disappeared for the better part of the pregnancy.  Then one day her horror of a mother called and stated that I was stealing her daughters things and she wanted them back.  So I again loaded all of the things in storage and delivered them. 

 

As I was not sure what that would mean, I stayed my distance until one day she called looking for a "puzzle". A puzzle?!?!?

 

Over the next few days we spoke and again we were together again. 

 

This on again, off again scenario is the way to a slow and miserable life.  In what I was taught it was the man's responsibility to make the relationship work.  That females were broken in nature and it is the stability of the man which helps the female gain some order.  If I was to help my kids I would have to bite the bullet and struggle to help and to lead.

 

I decided to fight, as all the information and all that I am and the data I received from my grandfather all moved in that direction.  But was that decision correct in hindsight?  There might have been a better solution that would have brought better results for my kids.

 

What if I decided to walk away after my son was born.  The mother at that time was losing her ever loving mind.  By the time of my sons conception I was aware of her inappropriate relationships and her desire to just drag me into her eddy of crazy.  I tried to get away, but she was abusive frequently hitting and yelling in an attempt to control. If I came against her desires, I would have a world of hurt come down.  Frequently finding my things outside the shared apartment, moving back into my own place, just to be beckoned back when she felt she needed something.

 

Now getting locked into the children come first mentality set me up for repeated abuse. 

 

As stated, I might have been better if I walked away.  Yes, the social backlash would have been great.  But I was already being called a dead beat dad among other things, so the social pressure would have been the same.  But something greater would have come out of the change in direction.  The ability to dust off the old and conserve the energy from all the struggles.  That energy would be then channeled into a higher desire and might have catapulted myself to a better income quicker, or maybe a better working situation.

 

In my early days I really thought there was only one path, one decision and that was the one which was socially acceptable and that was my lot in life.  However there are many ways to go, each with it's own destination.  I was wrong to stay the path which I did and that caused harm to my kids.  I did learn a lot about myself and many other topics, but it was not the best for myself nor my kids.

 

And in hindsight I see that my path I chose back then was unhealthy and personally destructive as it allowed for many of the abusive habits to fly under the radar until years later.

External Plumbing Bias

What people say has to have special attention paid.  In the words they say lies so much more than the smattering of phonetics.  The out bursts and Freudian slips, both from others and from yourself are portals into what is happening behind the vale.  As I was developing myself the skills of body language and interview forensics, I found that incongruities in what the person was saying and the way they held themselves, if I could get them in the right state, either myself of the individual would make a slip.  In that slip, the seed came to the surface and in that was the information I needed.

 

This I saw in my kids as they grew up.  When I was certain something was going on, but I would not know exactly what, I would make the statement, "I know what you are doing, and you should tell me the truth or face the consequences."  Then I would leave the room, and the mumbling would start.  In short order someone would confess, and in that confession I would get a glimpse into their mind and see where they were at.

 

Now I can hear the rants and curse words from so many, but they were not punished for what they told me.  My response ran from neutral to praise depending of the information given.  My management of the children had to be a stark difference to the environment they lived in.  And with all the psychological medications I knew the kids to be on and the ones they didn’t tell me about, it was imperative that I dug deep in different ways.  

 

For instance, I found out on numerous occasions that my son was sent to a psychological group home.  This happened several times from the age of five through to the age of ten.  Each time I heard the same story from the maternal grandmother, the boy had a fit and was becoming violent.  Most times I would not find out about the intake until it was over as visits were cancelled because kids were sick or they just weren't there when I went to pick them up.

 

The funny thing about the way these events went about was that when I involved different ways to gather information about the goings on in that house, I heard a very different story.  I heard of a grandmother who was physically and emotionally abuse.  Stories about how she did not like boys and my son standing up to the grandmothers abuse.  A five year old going toe to toe with an adult defending his brother and sister from a tyrant. 

 

It would be easy to follow what other parents would have done and to not really listen to the adults.  The first few times I did not understand what was happening, but as these problems continued I was able to put a plan together and start to make friction against the abuser and build a plan to get the kids out. 

 

One was if there were ambulances at the house, call me.  This allowed me to get to the Emergency Mental Health Intake and push for information.  I only had to do this a few times to send a message and get records to find out what is going on. 

 

On one occasion I was sitting down outside the space where the interviews were being taken, and my son I could see just on the other side of the glass door about fifteen feet away.  He was sitting on the floor with his head down between his knees.  The broken little man with no real hope.  I did not try to get his attention as it was more important that I prayed during this encounter. 

 

When I broke my meditation he was looking at me and the hope returned.  He knew I was there and that he was going to be OK. 

 

So many times after that day the grandmother abused me emotionally through my son.  I was working sixty to seventy hours a week, and then trying to squeeze in some time for my kids.  The burden and unequal laws around children and support that are female centric placed unnecessary stresses on, frequently living below poverty level for many years, fighting depression as my kids were used again and again against me. 

 

Females may have the ability to get pregnant, but they do not have the innate ability to raise kids.  In fact it has been shown that a child can more easily survive a absent dad than a misguided mother.  The damage done by a woman who uses the children against the father, and based on the way the laws are set and the complete financial burden is frequently set squarely on the dad, at the detriment to not only the father but the kids, has always been a burning issue with me.

 

To put this in perspective, visitation is a right.  It even says it in the court documents when you are filing.  It is the law stating that legislators felt it was important enough to lay the framework in the law to protect the relationship of the father and his kids.  In may case and in several others I have looked into, the female sees it as a privilege to have access to the children.  And that access is only granted when she feels like it.

 

She knows a couple of things.  The father is strapped for cash, so missing work and paying a lawyer to go to court most likely will not happen.  This leaves her free to give out summaries such as demands, start fights, disappear with the kids out of state and so many other things that I have had done to me, without recourse.  For me it was research "pro se" and the legal system to do things myself.  Pay filing fees and set court documents to bring the grandmother to her knees.

 

Now most men do not have the drive as I do.  They are beaten down my the estrogen charged side of the game.  I will get into the different tools of battle of the male and female later on, but the idea is this.  Men have gone into fights for thousands of years.  And in those fights, they themselves could be physically hurt or die.  Women have not done this.  At most they have completed a support role which was on the healing or nurturing side of battle. 

 

It is my opinion that as women in general are not as strong as men are, they developed a verbal judo designed to demoralize and demean as a way to push their displeasure bringing on a submissive response in men.  Everything a female does, from showing flesh to makeup to the verbal assault unleashed on a male is designed to make a male psyche submit to their will. 

 

So the constant berating of males from females is really two fold.  One it is to wear their male down so that he will not want to fight and try to make the woman happy again.  And to also "shit test" the male to see if he is still engaged with her and staying.  There is also the chance that the fighting and kid manipulation is also an attempt to do what she wants but deny the males happiness.

 

In short, I had to file contempt charges three (3) times before a judge allowed the order with stipulations to have my kids ready for me at the prescribed times of the order.  As I had external plumbing and most judges are "white knights" saving the females from men like me, in hindsight, I see why it took so long for me to get some sort of justice.

 

Again, if you have a pair of grapes and a banana swinging, the deck is stacked against you.

The Gloves Off Mentality

Women utilize an arsenal of weapons against their foe, the male.  There are the laws, crying, the Bermuda triangle, gossip, violence, the Police, false reports, the kids and the list goes on.  The tools all depend on what has stopped working.  And because we as males do not think as a woman does, we do not see the onslaught until it is upon us.

 

It is a nice day and I am going to pick up my children.  I arrive and knock at the door and no answer.  I call on the cell phone and here the phone inside the house ring, no answer.  I wait for thirty minutes at the house, and no one shows.  I leave a note tacked to the door saying I was there to pick up the kids at this time and I left at this time. 

 

The mother called about five hours later apologizing that the kids were so involved doing this or that, that she loss track of time.  Most men would be OK, just don't let it happen again.

 

We are soft because we use to have sex with her and she must still love me.  She would not cognitively try to keep me and my children separated.  Why would she do this to my kids, shes the mother.

 

No she is testing the resolve of the opponent.  When a woman separates from a man it is to reclaim and claim territory.  Especially in todays feminist driven world, the breakup is a plan to gain resources, such as child support and alimony and be free from the constraints of the relationship, which means screwing whoever she wants.  The set up is the utilization of all of the strings attached, such as kids, to cause brain fog and confusion so she can do whatever she wants and keep you off balance.

 

A disengaging from everything that seems right is a much better approach.  By this, when she acts poorly, ignore her, document what happened either by video, audio or at the very least written with dates times and witnesses, and then take the necessary legal action immediately the next business day.  She calls incessantly or stalks you on social media or in the real world, file a police report, get restraining orders on her.

 

You are not engaging in a fluffy pillow fight.  This is a verbal bare knuckle brawl.  Want to get dragged away to a jail cell because she decided to not allow a time out of your daughter to finish out in five minutes and call back and decided to push past you at the door and start rummaging through your things, so you remove her from your home, which is well with in your legal rights, so she scratches her legs, goes to the police and said you assaulted her, and you go to jail and have to spend hundreds of dollars getting through the legal mess.  Meanwhile, because you have this case opened and restraining orders, she is free to bring all kinds of abuse on your kids unchecked.

 

Not saying I lived this, but rest assured others have and are living this and it is all because we, did not utilize administrative violence, which we can do through the courts.  If I executed a full legal battle and sought to disrupt her first or at least more frequently than she did me, then the arrest and court problem would not have happened.  I did not place a restraining order on her, even though there was more than enough evidence to do so.  In this case, she would have been arrested as she showed up at my place.

 

Now, the documentation of all events needs to be done and it is work.  From my experience, it is easier to fight battles with a notebook then to unravel the mess from memory.  Handing a judge or the police a timestamped video showing the female in full color meltdown is something to behold.  Vindication by submission of guilt and best yet, lying in court and lying to a police officer.  Winning.

 

As men we want to not fight.  We would rather walk away and stay away from harm.  Women on the other hand have a propensity to gain the upper hand in a situation through any means necessary as  the male is no longer the partner, but a resource.