The Gloves Off Mentality

Women utilize an arsenal of weapons against their foe, the male.  There are the laws, crying, the Bermuda triangle, gossip, violence, the Police, false reports, the kids and the list goes on.  The tools all depend on what has stopped working.  And because we as males do not think as a woman does, we do not see the onslaught until it is upon us.

 

It is a nice day and I am going to pick up my children.  I arrive and knock at the door and no answer.  I call on the cell phone and here the phone inside the house ring, no answer.  I wait for thirty minutes at the house, and no one shows.  I leave a note tacked to the door saying I was there to pick up the kids at this time and I left at this time. 

 

The mother called about five hours later apologizing that the kids were so involved doing this or that, that she loss track of time.  Most men would be OK, just don't let it happen again.

 

We are soft because we use to have sex with her and she must still love me.  She would not cognitively try to keep me and my children separated.  Why would she do this to my kids, shes the mother.

 

No she is testing the resolve of the opponent.  When a woman separates from a man it is to reclaim and claim territory.  Especially in todays feminist driven world, the breakup is a plan to gain resources, such as child support and alimony and be free from the constraints of the relationship, which means screwing whoever she wants.  The set up is the utilization of all of the strings attached, such as kids, to cause brain fog and confusion so she can do whatever she wants and keep you off balance.

 

A disengaging from everything that seems right is a much better approach.  By this, when she acts poorly, ignore her, document what happened either by video, audio or at the very least written with dates times and witnesses, and then take the necessary legal action immediately the next business day.  She calls incessantly or stalks you on social media or in the real world, file a police report, get restraining orders on her.

 

You are not engaging in a fluffy pillow fight.  This is a verbal bare knuckle brawl.  Want to get dragged away to a jail cell because she decided to not allow a time out of your daughter to finish out in five minutes and call back and decided to push past you at the door and start rummaging through your things, so you remove her from your home, which is well with in your legal rights, so she scratches her legs, goes to the police and said you assaulted her, and you go to jail and have to spend hundreds of dollars getting through the legal mess.  Meanwhile, because you have this case opened and restraining orders, she is free to bring all kinds of abuse on your kids unchecked.

 

Not saying I lived this, but rest assured others have and are living this and it is all because we, did not utilize administrative violence, which we can do through the courts.  If I executed a full legal battle and sought to disrupt her first or at least more frequently than she did me, then the arrest and court problem would not have happened.  I did not place a restraining order on her, even though there was more than enough evidence to do so.  In this case, she would have been arrested as she showed up at my place.

 

Now, the documentation of all events needs to be done and it is work.  From my experience, it is easier to fight battles with a notebook then to unravel the mess from memory.  Handing a judge or the police a timestamped video showing the female in full color meltdown is something to behold.  Vindication by submission of guilt and best yet, lying in court and lying to a police officer.  Winning.

 

As men we want to not fight.  We would rather walk away and stay away from harm.  Women on the other hand have a propensity to gain the upper hand in a situation through any means necessary as  the male is no longer the partner, but a resource. 

Dislocation - Not all women are nuturing...

 Nothing is more painful to find out then to see you child in pain.  It is even worse when you find out later that it was their mother that caused the injury and further when that mom does not even apologize nor seek help.  This is what I found out after one of the times my oldest twos mom admitted herself to the mental hospital.

 

My son, who was just two years old at the time, had just put on a sweatshirt and getting ready to go out. His mom was in the tub and like all little boy toddlers, he thought thrusting his hands into the tub full of water would be fun.  I know that at my age I love to splash around.

 

His mom was in the tub and in her usual resourcefulness, lost her patience with this young child.  After the event I pieced together the events and developed the timeline as this.  My son came into the bathroom, saw his mother in the tub and decided to thrust his arm into the water up to his shoulder.  This caused the long sleeve sweatshirt to become soaked in the process.  His mother realized the situation and began yelling at the young boy.  At the same time she began wringing the sweatshirt of water while the young boys are was still in the sweatshirt.  This caused extreme trauma to the shoulder of the young boy causing the upper arm to pop out of the shoulder joint. 

 

The event took less than 30 seconds, and as young kids have rather flexible joints, the should popped back in.  However for over a year, every so often the shoulder would pop out, causing the child to be in severe pain until it popped back in and then sore for a week or so after.

 

The problem I had is when I brought this to light with the Child Services people, nothing happened.  It was criminal what happened to my son and the woman that did this was not even reprimanded.  In fact, more abuse happened, more notifications and still no action by the people who were suppose to protect.

 

Years later, as I was able to listen to what happened behind the closed doors, many other abuses were found out.  Stories of family beds where the mother would have men stay over and allowed the kids to sleep in the same bed.  So much damage was done to my oldest daughter and son as they saw, at a very young age, their mom having sex with multiple men. 

 

Now as they both have problems building and retaining relationships, the pain so great that they both call their mom by her first name.  The mom stalks her seven kids on Facebook using different alias' and still nothing is done.  All seven broken beyond imagination and she is still free to do what she wants and to continue her misguided ways.

External Plumbing and the Courts

 The court system is slanted towards females and discount mails have a very high percentage even if the actual care of the children isn't safe.  the courts believe any underlying laws that were actually put in place that males are unable to go and raise children in are not able to give the necessary foundation for children to be healthy. Legal system coupled with the support structure that's supposed to help children in need, has a bias towards females and does not support in any way shape or form the males in the parenting of children.

 

In my personal case it was OK for the mother to leave the father off of the birth certificate to collect additional funds from the state and federal government system , and in some ways is rewarded for not having the father on the actual documentation. What this causes is additional cost to the father to go and challenge the mother through DNA testing and through the court system so that the father can actually go and have a relationship with the children. In my case particular , the mother decided that I should not be in the children's life he should not be living with the mother and the children so as she can go and collect additional funds. When my daughter was born the grandmother told me not to stick around because I will screw up the mothers welfare payments.

 

Heartbroken and distraught I went home and I spoke with my parents about it and let them know what was actually said. That the mother was not going to put me on the birth certificate and that I really had no real recourse, in her eyes, to do so. All this was done by the mother with the full knowledge that she would receive additional funds if she did not include me in the actual birth certificate.

 

To me I could have gotten away without any child support as she did not define me as the father. This would be for my first 2 oldest children and it would have saved me thousands of dollars in child support. The state didn't care about the Child Support at all. They didn't care about my rights. They did not go on even investigate who might be the father for these children. They completely went off of what the mother said in the actual documents saying there was no father and she didn't know who it was. Enter the government it was OK. It was fine that the mother decided not to define who the father was and in essence denied me without legal course of action the rights granted to a father to be part of the child's life .

 

So here is the quandary. I could walk away without having any financial obligations to the children. At anytime in the future the mother could go and say hey this is the father and I want child support from him. Which means it all of a sudden even though she decided at the beginning for me not to be part of the children's life she could at any given time at her whim say that I was the father and then have all the paternity tests done and then I would be on the hook for all of the money owed up until that point. At no time the denial of the mother that I was the father would ever come into the mix. The other side of the quandary is I would not have the ability to step into my children's life and to take it take a look at what's going on to see if there was any abuse or problems that I should have defeated.

 

The decision to petition the court for custody of the children and to pay the Child Support man take care whatever else I could was a decision that would financially wreck me for the next 25 years but would allow me to get an insight into what was happening within the actual household and with the children which to me was priceless. Without the Child Support order the abuse that my two oldest children went through would have gone unchecked and they would have been where soft in my eyes then if I had simply walked away.

 

And believe me walking away was an option. To go away Scott free from the crazy that I was dealing with and the heartbreak I was constantly going through because of the manipulation from the X , I would have been a lot more mentally healthy than I was during that time. The struggles I went through was far beyond what most people would have to deal with as I was not only dealing my own personal depression but the impact on my children and in the impact on my family around me. The desire to help the kids and try to get him some semblance of normalcy was paramount on my mind even though at every given turn both the mother and the grandmother were trying to cause as much noise and frustration to me as possible. No I knew I so you might ask how do you go and deal with that kind of crazy?

 

Day by day and struggle by struggle is the only way to deal with it. You have to look at each problem in each situation in a sort of sterile environment and deal with it one off. For instance children coming to visits without their psychological medications. You see the children when they come on on Friday in their fine on Saturday they seem to be OK but a little bit sleepy and then on Sunday during the day they go and lose their minds and you're like well what the Hell's going on. And then you find out that you know you ask a few questions in the next visit and the next visit you find out that there's Ritalin and other psychological drugs that are given to them during the week to keep him sedated any grandmother keeps the psychological drugs from them on their trips to see me.

 

this type of abuse in my particular cases actually more to control the children and sedate them than it was to actually go and help them become healthy. Mother in the grandmother shop psychologists and therapists to give them the diagnosis is they needed. Even so far as to go and get the diagnosis for the children being disabled so that the grandmother could receive disability benefits for all three of the children. The children didn't even know that they were on disability. The grandmother committed fraud by using the children as the way for her to go and gain money. And in her doing so irreparable harm to the children in the form of mental physical and psychological effect abuse.

 

And this was why with DSS in the picture getting repeated 51As filed onthe grandmother and the mother over the course of time with the children in their care. These 51As were filed By myself, by school officials, and by medical professionals in yet the state did not step in to go and protect the children. Even though there was actually our behavior showing that these children were being abused , no one in DSS would actually go on step forward and take care of the children.

 

No I may be talking a little bit harsh about DSS and the way they approach the children, but the way they treated me as a male in this situation up until the point where I actually got physical custody of my son was less than stellar. Being a custodial parent and not the one who had the sole physical custody of the children I should have been notified on each and every time there was a contact with the DSS person in the mother and the grandmother. There was a legal obligation of that organization to go and tell me what was going on and they failed to time and time again. I find out by accident my son has been place in a psychological group home. I find out injuries and medicines and doctors visits and psychological visits all by happenstance. I find out about the shopping for therapists and the fact that my kids are now disabled. All those things came to pass an not once to anybody from the government who is required to go and hold the law tell me exactly what's going on.

 

In my court battles with the children at the probate level and the family court level I would sometimes get a insight that I did not have before. And if I was not the type of guy who just goes and drives to get answers, I would not find out 2/3 of the things that I know now. Everything I have for information and everything that I have done was because I have a strong desire to know and understand. Most people don't have the time period and most people that are going through the court system at my age bracket did not have the mental fortitude to drive themselves through to the end.

 

I guess it's short you should really think long and hard as a male in this set in our society as to whether or not getting into a relationship with a female when you're not fixed meaning when you don't have your tubes tied so you can't get the girl pregnant, Is really something that you want to really be involved with. It's a no win situation for the male in that if she says that she was raped then the courts will believe that she was raped. If the courts deem you the father then you're stuck with child support even if the kid is not yours. Women are looking for fathers for their children Anne will use everything they have at their resources to go and capture you to go and be that resource to them. Young women don't necessarily love you they love what you can do for them and you get sucked into that hole chaotic environment and guess what , you will get her pregnant and you will be paying child support out for 20 plus years.

 

$320,000 I paid out in child support for my 3. Now I would pay that all over again to make sure that I was part of their lives and part of the decision making process, even know most of the time the women didn't allow you into the decision-making process. Yep I've had women go and say I'm going to move out of state, against everything that is said in the court order about the actual moving out of state with the chip room period they don't care period supposed to give you tax the tax cut every other year. But they don't they take it all for themselves and then they go and they file quicker that use that you have to file the amendment and all the other hassles and then you might get it back or not.

 

So if you decide to have it have a relationship with a woman when you are young and dumb and full of come, be ready that you're going to go and have the rest of your life to pay for the actual decision to have that 30 seconds of fun. It is not a pleasurable ride and it is so **** ** the kids who don't ask to get into the mess. A woman will be free to go on do anything that she wants without recourse and make accusations without recourse again and again just to make your life miserable and you will be paying for that for at least 20 years. That's some expensive sex. It will be better to buy yourself a night a week what the hooker then it would be to go and actually get into a relationship with a woman and have children. 

Where everything has gone

It has been 28 years since my adventure started.  Well over 70 court dates and $300,000 in child support later, I sit on the time when all of the chaos is clearing. 

At this point many external plumbing wonder what the heck happened and how did I get so messed up.  Many of guys like me spent the better part of the 25 years working to make ends 60 to 70 hours a week,  All the while the knuckleheads I impregnated where right there selling the narrative that I was a bad dad because I could not spend time with my children, all the while, the "Mom" was going back to court asking for more money.

I watched one of the women I had children with work only 270 days in her 30 plus years in the work force.  She spawned 5 other children, collected from the state and lost mine and the 5 others to the state.  From the two that I had with her, she has stolen from, called in false accusations and even went so far as to throw my adult son down a flight of stairs bruising his shoulder and back.  

Both of these children have grown up and are doing fine.  I never bad mouthed their mother, but trusted time tells the truth until recently when my kids came to me and asked direct questions.  They both call her by her first name and not Mom.  Their decision, not mine.  They both call me Dad, again their decision not mine. 

It is a privileged and an honor to be part of their lives, as I truly do not feel I deserve it.  For these two are a testament to staying calm and loving them and getting out of their way to allow them to grow, regardless of what I thought was right or wrong. 

Too many times we get caught on perceptions or ego moments which cause drama,  We have to back up and look at what is a real problem and what is just something we should let go. Most of the crap I wasted my time on is not even relevant to where my kids and myself ended up.

Both women are messed up and like the mess they live in.  I cannot help nor do I want to as that turmoil they cook up is toxic.  It is like the air line personal who tells you to put on the air mask first and then help others.  I stay away, at arms length or greater, because unfortunately for my children, that toxic air always hits them, so I stay clear to pull them out and get them right.

Relationships - Others

There are so many others. Department of Social Services, Therapists, Police, Health Care Professionals, Lawyers, Judges and any other professional organization that gets its hands into the mix.

Keep all relationships with these people at arms length. Yes and no answers if at all possible and never offer up any information. All of these people are “Wrong Finders.”

What I mean is that there whole existence is to find the wrong in others. There paradigm is to look at the situation and find the things that are wrong. Their job depends on them finding out bad stuff. So with that in mind, watch what you say and how you say it. I will get into this in more detail later, but for now, yes and no, and never lie, because they expect it.

Relationships - Your Kids

Practice what I call, "Adult Information Blackout.” This is a concept that basically keeps all adult interactions that are not for little ears, away from the kids. Today I see several children that are friends of my kids knowing way too much. This is told to them under the guise of they have a “right to know.” 

No they don’t. 

 They are kids and they have no rights to information. They have a right to live without abuse of any kind, they have a right to play and do kid things but they do not have a right to know. Select information that is pertinent to your kid. If you know that there is something that your child needs to prepare for, give them the information at the right time when they are best able to handle it. Never, Never, Never just let it fly in front of the kids. 

 They already believe that they are at fault for mom and dad breaking up or not being together. Do not burden them with information they do not need. The focus should be on you being the adult and taking the brunt of all issues on and then setting a daddy’s taking care of it attitude and loving the kids with all your heart. By doing this, the children will get a feeling that they are safe under your wing and that security will bring other behaviors in line. 

 Most kids act out because of insecurity and a wanting you near and paying attention. So be near and pay attention and your kids will need less reprimanding.

Relationships - Your Parents

This is a tricky and slippery slope. After all these are your parents. They still have a latent authority over you and if you are feeling less than adequate and somewhat depressed from your ordeals, you might want to not be a parent and an adult because it is easier and safer to allow your parents to do this.

Most of the time we break off a relationship and we go running back to mom’s to live. She is quick to start doing the laundry and says over and over how much she didn’t like “her” and the story goes. Maybe yours is not like that, but there is always “it’s the other one who is at fault” in most families.

The hurdle here is keeping your parents your parents and not allowing them to overstep their responsibilities and authority. It is easy for us fathers to allow this to happen. We are after all bruised and hurt and telling our children what is right and wrong will put us in the bad light and then they will run to mom, just like you did.

Let that last statement sink in. If you are living at home less than 3 years after your divorce, get out. You are not doing anyone any service. Go lick your wounds in your own place. If you were divorced and you have been home for 3 or more years, get a good therapist.

Get with the program. We are the only species that allows our young to return. That’s just wrong. I mean, if there is a strict economic reason with a defined timeframe such as saving to buy a home, as long as the timeframe is adhered to, go for it. But if we are meandering through our existence and living with mom and dad, kick yourself out of the house and grow up.

The primary issue is they are your parents. They raised you. Now when your kids and relationships come into their domain, sometimes they cannot see the difference and fall into the same patterns as they had with you. You need to get up and set the tone.

One irritation I have is the lack of setting boundaries with adults. What we will and won’t be accepted from others in our life needs to be right out there for all to see and understand. If you do not want you dad telling your kids what to do, then tell him to come to you and you take care of it. They are your kids and your legacy, so act responsibly and do what you need to do.

Set the ground rules and hold to them. Do not accept anything but that guideline forever. Stay on course and the masses will come into line with you.

No more excuses and no more avoidance. Wipe these out and get to work.